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 "Once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall."
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Eleanor Roosevelt |
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"Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister ... and now wish to withdraw that statement."
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Mark Twain |
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"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and have the two as close together as possible." |
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George Burns |
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"Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year." |
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Victor Borge |
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"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce." |
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Mark Twain |
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"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." |
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Socrates |
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"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." |
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Groucho Marx |
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"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." |
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Jimmy Durante |
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"I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."
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Zsa Zsa Gabor |
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"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." |
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Alex Levine |
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