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  Funny Quotes
"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."
Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
Woody Allen
"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."
Charles Shackleford
"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."
Terry Bradshaw
"I was called "Rembrandt" Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas."
Bob Hope
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Groucho Marx
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
Woody Allen
"When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back."
Woody Allen
"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
Woody Allen
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
George Burns