Welcome To Cool Quotes Home Links Contacts Saturday, November 7, 2009

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  Funny Quotes
"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"
Woody Allen

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."
Woody Allen

"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep."
Woody Allen

"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
Jack Handey

"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."
Benjamin Franklin

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
Jack Handey

"If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast."
Jack Handey

"Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags?"
Jack Handey

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
Jack Handey

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde