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 "To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."
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Jack Handey |
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"If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness."
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Jack Handey |
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"If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin."
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Jack Handey |
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"How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak."
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Jack Handey |
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"If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. 'Wait a minute! I thought WE won!'"
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Jack Handey |
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"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
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Bill Cosby |
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"He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on."
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Benjamin Franklin |
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"The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'"
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Jack Handey |
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"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy."
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Groucho Marx |
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"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'"
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Jack Handey |
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