Welcome To Cool Quotes Home Links Contacts Friday, November 20, 2009

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  Funny Quotes
"Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet."
Jack Handey

"When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka English.'"
Jack Handey

"His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere."
Mark Twain

"One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me."
Jack Handey

"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."
Sam Levenson

"Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children."
Sam Levenson

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."
Sam Levenson

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Sam Levenson

"Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it."
Sam Levenson

"The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent."
Sam Levenson