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 "Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet." |
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Jack Handey |
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"When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka English.'"
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Jack Handey |
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"His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere." |
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Mark Twain |
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"One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me."
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Jack Handey |
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"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped."
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Sam Levenson |
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"Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children."
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Sam Levenson |
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"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." |
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Sam Levenson |
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If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. |
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Sam Levenson |
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"Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it." |
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Sam Levenson |
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"The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent." |
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Sam Levenson |
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