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"I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me."
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"Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use."
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"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
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"I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary."
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"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
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"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
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"It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death."
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"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
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"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."
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"I have never let schooling interfere with my education."
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