Welcome To Cool Quotes Home Links Contacts Friday, November 20, 2009

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  Funny Quotes
"It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something."
Jack Handey

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
Phyllis Diller

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
Fats Domino

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
Winston Churchill

"The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!"
Jack Handey

"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
Edgar Bergen

"Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."
Truman Capote

"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
Bill Cosby

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
Groucho Marx

"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head."
Carol Burnett