 |
 "It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something." |
|
Jack Handey |
|
|
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
|
|
Phyllis Diller |
|
|
"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." |
|
Fats Domino |
|
|
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
|
|
Winston Churchill |
|
|
"The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him!"
|
|
Jack Handey |
|
|
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
|
|
Edgar Bergen |
|
|
"Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."
|
|
Truman Capote |
|
|
"A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
|
|
Bill Cosby |
|
|
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
|
|
Groucho Marx |
|
|
"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head."
|
|
Carol Burnett |
|
